Forgiveness as a Key to the Future..

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.  It is a release from the burden of anger and pain.  When you choose to forgive, you choose to live in the present and the future instead of the past.  It does not mean to forget but it does mean to release and go on.  Forgiveness doesn't happen on it's own, you must choose to forgive. 

Forgiving doesn't always mean resuming a relationship with whoever has hurt you.  If a person won't meet you halfway or has been abusive, it may be better to forgive simply to make your own life less stressful.

Try his tips for mending a broken bond:

1. Get the frustration - tell your story to a few close friends.  This will help you explore your feelings about the rift and obtain a clear sense of perspective.

2.  Focus on what's in it for you - it's not always about who was right.  Remind yourself that forgiving can free you to move on with your life.  Tell yourself that the point is to reduce angst.  After all, living well is the best revenge.

3.  Breathe in calm - instead of tensing up or starting in on your inner rant, inhale and exhale deeply or relax in whatever way appeals to you.

4.  Turn the details of your story around - victims don't have control of their lives; heroes do.  So make yourself the hero of your own saga.  Think of it this way; Although someone else may have precipitated your misery, whether you stay miserable is entirely up to you.

You may have been hurt by something that your partner did to you.  You may have been hurt because your expectations weren't met.  You may have been hurt and you don't even remember why.  You may have done something to someone else that you are sorry for.  And you remember the pain and carry it with you like a grudge everywhere you go.  When your burden becomes too great, it becomes the relationship, it consumes your life and it changes who you are and what your relationships can be.  It is a wall between you and the intimacy that you seek.

When you forgive: Forgive is defined as: giving up resentment against or the desire to punish; stop being angry with; pardon.

1. You relieve yourself of the burden of the past.  You shed the hurt, pain, anger, and loneliness.  You can begin to heal.
2. You give the person you forgive (even yourself) the freedom to live in peace and to be able to change for the better.

Points about forgiveness:

1. Forgiveness is not forgetting.
2. The pain may not be completely gone.  One can forgive and still grieve a loss or feel pain from a wound. 
3. Damage and wounds can take time to repair.
4. Forgiveness does not deny responsibility for behavior.  You have simply committed to not hold the other person in debt.

Every person is doing their best given their upbringing and their conditioning.  We each are doing the very best we can with what we have been given.  As we know better we do better.